


Let It Go/Let Him Go

by bonniepride



Series: Foster AU [3]
Category: Big Hero 6 (2014), Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-28 22:09:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16731552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bonniepride/pseuds/bonniepride
Summary: Prequel to "Closer", the story of how Ezra and Hiro managed to find love in the middle of the worst of circumstances.





	Let It Go/Let Him Go

Ezra stared out the window of the drafty attic room of his foster home. It was snowing outside--the first snow of the season. All of the other kids were outside, playing around in it, but he just couldn’t find it in him to go out and join them. Especially not since he knew Hiro would probably be out there and would expect him to be laughing and having fun, and lately there was just this heavy feeling like a rock in his chest every time he looked at him that made it harder and harder to smile when he was around him. 

He could still remember his first time meeting Hiro, even though he’d only been six at the time. Hiro had just arrived at his foster home and their less-than-loving (almost downright abusive) foster parents had practically shoved the then four-year-old boy into his arms, telling him that he was his responsibility and that he needed to keep him out of trouble or they’d both be punished. Young as he’d been at the time, Ezra had known that they meant it and he’d earned more than enough punishments over time to know that he wanted to avoid them at all costs. At first he’d been annoyed to be stuck with this extra burden--why was he responsible for the new kid?! But then he’d looked down at the younger boy, with his big, scared brown eyes and trembling lips, seeming about to cry, and right then and there he’d lost his heart completely and totally to him. Of course he hadn’t fully understood that at the time. He’d told himself that Hiro would be like a friend--that this was completely normal. And, in many ways, as they’d grown up together, sharing their cramped corner of the attic and their small sleeping mat, they had even become best friends (many might have thought that they’d feel like siblings, but given the fact that this horrible place never felt like home and tainted any idea of what a “family” was like, friendship felt like a much better and stronger bond--and maybe, even back then, Ezra had known that their relationship had nothing to do with brother-like affection.) They had always looked out for each other, always tried to keep each other out of trouble as much as possible and comforted each other when the unavoidable abuse came anyways. Ezra spent many a night singing Hiro softly to sleep with lullabies, stroking his soft raven hair and wiping away his tears. 

He wasn’t sure exactly when things had changed. Maybe it had been when he was twelve or thirteen, when at night in bed he’d realize how much he liked the smell of Hiro’s neck or the way he would press up against him when they slept--innocent things. Then about a year later the dreams had started--dreams he didn’t understand, dreams about having Hiro lying underneath him, gasping out his name, dreams that would leave him waking up in the middle of the night feeling incredibly confused and slightly scared about what they were doing to his body. Eventually he started hearing the older guys in the home and at school talking about having similar experiences but about girls, and it had hit home what was happening to him. He denied it for as long as he could--refused to believe it. But the evidence when he would wake up and have to run to the bathroom to take care of his “problem” before anyone could see it was too much to deny eventually. He liked Hiro-- _ like _ liked him, and apparently a whole lot. At first the revelation had been somewhat exciting--he had his first crush! But after a few days of floating around in a happy haze, reality had hit home. Hiro had always thought of him as his best friend--a role model, even--and, as far as he could tell, that’s all that he thought of him. If he suddenly told him that he had feelings for him--romantic feelings--how would he react? He’d probably hate him and never want to be around him again! The fact that they were still forced to share a bed after all these years (apparently their foster parents either didn’t think about or just didn’t care about the possibility of any of the children under their “care” being gay) made it all the more awkward--Hiro would hate him for sure if he knew that he was thinking less than pure thoughts about him when he snuggled up against him in his sleep! 

To try to remedy the situation, Ezra had tried pulling away from him--lessening their contact, speaking to him only when necessary, and sleeping as far away from him as their cramped bed would allow. Unfortunately all this managed to do was hurt Hiro’s feelings and not do anything at all to remedy Ezra’s situation. If anything, the more he distanced himself from the other teen, the more his whole being craved being near him, like an addict when they cut themselves off cold turkey. Unfortunately in Ezra’s case the addiction never lessened--it only got stronger and stronger.

So that’s why he was here, hiding in the attic. He knew that if he was outside and he saw Hiro running and laughing through the snow, rosy cheeks glowing and snowflakes catching in that gorgeous raven hair that his fingers ached to run through, there was a good chance he’d just grab him and kiss him senseless, until both of their lips were bruised and they were gasping each other’s names, sweat glistening on their--

NO! Ezra forcibly bangs his head against the wall. Stupid, stupid, stupid! He needed to stop thinking these thoughts, and he needed to stop thinking them NOW! But he couldn’t. He was trying so hard but no matter what he just couldn’t. Miserably, he wraps his arms around his legs, dipping his head down and starting to rock back and forth, finally letting out the hot tears of frustration and fear and anger and pain that he’d had locked inside for so long. There was no one else around, he could finally be alone with his shame and disappointment at how cruel life could be.

Only it turned out he wasn’t completely alone. He didn’t even realize that someone else had come up to the room until he felt a warm hand on his shoulder and heard a soft voice murmuring, “Ez?” in a sweet, concerned voice.

“H-Hiro!” he gasps, cheeks flushing bright red at being caught like this even as more stupid hot tears start flowing out of his eyes as he looks up at the other teen.

“Ezra, what’s wrong?” Hiro’s voice whispers, looking slightly afraid for him--Ezra had never let the other boy actually see him cry before, except once when they’d been talking about their biological parents.

“I--I…” Ezra didn’t even know what to say in response to that. “I-It’s nothing,” he finally manages to get out, forcing a smile onto his face. 

“It’s not nothing!” Hiro protests, starting to wipe at the other boy’s tears. “Ez, c’mon, talk to me,” he gently coaxes. 

“I said, I’m  _ fine _ !” Ezra answers, his words coming out harsher than he’d meant even as he jerks away, trying to make himself as small as possible in the car corner of the bed. 

Hiro looked momentarily hurt, but then a resolute expression crosses his face and he says firmly, “I don’t believe you.” Then, stubborn little shit that he was, he crawls across the bed and says, “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“Hiro, go!”

“No!”

“GO!”

“NO!”

“I’ll hit you if you don’t leave me alone!”

“I don’t care!”

“I’m not kidding!”

“I’m not either!”

“HIRO!”

“Ezra!”

Ezra drew back his hand like he actually was going to slap him, and Hiro just sat there, stone faced and resolute. Even though part of him greatly wanted to, Ezra just couldn’t bring himself to harm Hiro in any way and so finally he lowers his hand, shoulders sagging and then shaking as wave after wave of emotion roll through him. 

“D-Damn it Hiro… W-Why do you have to make this so hard?”

“Make what so hard?” Hiro asks, concern and frustration evident.

“A-Are you really this dense?”

“Dense about WHAT?! You’re not making any sense! Just tell me what you’re talking about and we can work this out!”

“H-Hiro… I-I can’t! Y-You’ll hate me!” Ezra whimpers, feeling an almost hysterical feeling running through him, panic making everything in the room around him seem too hot, too loud, too bright.

“Ezra, calm down!”

“N-No! H-Hiro, p-please, just l-leave me! I--I c-can’t--”

He was so stuck in his panicked state that it took him a full thirty seconds for his brain to register first the soft feeling and then the sweet taste of Hiro’s lips against his own, swallowing every one of his own sobs and moving gently against them, the motion somehow calming--sedating, almost--after his adrenaline rush of fear and anxiety. His mind still fogged from all of his conflicting emotions, he doesn’t think, just allows Hiro to gently guide his head down to the pillow and pull the blankets up over him, never breaking the contact between their lips except to momentarily part of air, only to return again seconds later. Ezra felt his eyelids growing heavy and starting to flutter closed--it seemed appropriate, almost, this all felt so much like a dream. Maybe it was a dream. If it was, he didn’t want to wake up from it. He just wanted to stay here, safe curled up in Hiro’s arms forever. 

“I’ve got you,” Hiro murmurs when he finally breaks the kiss. “It’s okay. Just sleep now, okay?”

Ezra nods numbly before finally allowing his eyelids to drift close and slip off into blissful oblivion.

 

When he wakes up hours later, he was pretty sure that everything that had happened had been a dream. For one thing, there was no way that Hiro had actually kissed him! For another, he was lying in bed, all alone, with all the lights off in the room--there was no sign that anyone else had ever been here. Still, everything had felt so real… Maybe his dreams were just starting to get more intense than they’d already been.

Glancing over at the wall, he felt a hint of panic--6:30 pm already?! He’d totally missed dinner, and not only was he going to be going hungry thanks to that, he was going to be in major trouble with his foster parents who were extremely strict when it came to things like meal attendance. 

Just as he was starting to wallow in self pity again, the door to the attic room suddenly creaks open, a thin shaft of light cutting through the darkness from the outside hallway.

“Ez?” Hiro’s voice, soft and a bit hesitant. “Ezra, are you awake?”

“Y-Yeah…” Ezra struggles upwards in the bed, head still a bit foggy from his impromptu nap. “I’m up…”

“Good.” Hiro flashes him a relieved smile before coming over to the bed, sitting down on the edge and carefully balancing the tray he was carrying on his knees.

“W-Where did you get that?” Ezra gasps. “We’re only supposed to use those if we get sick, you’ll get in trouble!” He couldn’t bear the thought of his best friend getting punished for trying to do something nice for him.

“Well, as far as our foster parents are concerned, you are sick,” Hiro answers with a playful smirk. 

“W-What?”

“I told them that you weren’t feeling well, which is why you didn’t come down to dinner. The others saw you passed out in here and saw that I tried to wake you up but you wouldn’t and so they backed me up. I was allowed to bring this up to you so long as we didn’t make a mess!”

“W-Wow… Thank you,” Ezra says with a grateful smile. 

“You’re welcome.” Hiro smiles. “Now sit up so you can actually eat!”

“O-Okay…” Ezra manages to get into a fully upright position, supporting himself against the wall. He wasn’t surprised when Hiro lays the tray gently across his lap. He was surprised, though, when the other teen dips the spoon into the soup before directing it towards his mouth.

“Uh, Hiro…?” he says uncertainly. 

“C’mon!” Hiro gives him a playful smile. “Open up!”

“A-All right…” Ezra was slightly confused, but he complies all the same. Hiro slips the steaming spoonful of broth and vegetables into his mouth, the warm fluid waking up the teen’s tastebuds and flowing comfortingly down his throat, warming his insides in the otherwise cold room. They continue on like this for the rest of the meal, Hiro quietly urging him to eat and Ezra, too out of it still and too confused to fight, allowing himself to be fed. It wasn’t until the tray was empty and Hiro climbs onto the bed on top of him--over the covers, but still!-, tenderly stroking his cheek with his hand, that Ezra finally manages to form a semi-coherent question.

“W-What are you doing?” he quietly gasps, cheeks reddening to a deep scarlet. 

“I thought you wanted this,” Hiro answers simply, not moving away.

“H-Hiro! I’m being serious!” Ezra cries, gently but firmly pushing the hand away--what was going on here?! 

“You seemed to like it when I kissed you earlier,” Hiro says, his soft breath tickling the other man’s nose like a sweet perfume.

“K-Kissed--? Oh my gosh, that wasn’t a dream?” Ezra gasps. 

“No, of course it wasn’t,” Hiro answers with a wry smile.

“H-Holy shit… H-Hiro, you KISSED ME! What the fuck?!”

“I-I thought you wanted me too…” Hiro’s happy, expectant expression instantly crumbling, making him look like a hurt puppy. 

“W-What I wanted d-doesn’t matter!” Ezra protests. “Hiro, I d-don’t want you kissing me just because you think I want you to!”

“Why else would you kiss someone?”

“I-I just don’t want you to feel pressured into it because somehow you inexplicably figured out my feelings for you…K-Kissing someone a-and doing other stuff with them is a big deal…”

“So you do have feelings for me!” Hiro declares with a victorious grin.

“I-I do…” Ezra admits, ducking his head in embarrassment. “B-But like I said, I-I don’t want you to feel like you have to reciprocate if you don’t--!”

“Do you honestly think I’d kiss someone I don’t like?” Hiro asks, tone slightly scornful. 

“M-Maybe if you were scared that you’d lose them if you didn’t…” Ezra mumbles.

Hiro hums quietly, seeming to consider this, before finally stating, “Nope! If someone wanted me to kiss them and stuff and I didn’t want to do it back and they said they’d walk away if I didn’t then that’s their problem, not mine!”

“I--I guess you have a point…” Ezra says slowly.

“Of course I do!” Hiro laughs at that. “I am a genius, after all!”

“True…” Ezra can’t help but smile slightly at that before asking softly, “H-How long have you--?”

“Maybe not quite as long as you,” Hiro admits. “It took a little bit to get used to the idea when I first figured it out.” 

“H-How did you figure it out?” Ezra asks softly. 

“...Do you want the honest answer?”

“Yeah, of course!”

“Okay, well, um… You kind of talk in your sleep sometimes.”

“No.” Ezra’s eyes go wide, horror filling his chest. “P-Please tell me I didn’t…”

“I kind of overheard you saying some stuff directed to me that you obviously wouldn’t have said if you were awake,” Hiro admits with a tiny smirk. “So… Yeah. It didn’t take me long to figure out why you kept sneaking out of here first thing in the morning. It was… A bit weird at first, admittedly. But then I started thinking about it and I found I kind of liked the idea and, well, I’m not gonna lie, I would end up staying up late so I could hear you talking to me in your sleep like that…”

“Y-You did?” Ezra asks, part embarrassed, part oddly fascinated by all of this.

“Yep!” Hiro lets out an embarrassed laugh. “When you started pulling away from me recently I kind of figured it was you were starting to freak out over having feelings for me but not wanting to hurt me like the perfectionist nerd you are.” He reaches over and gently ruffles the other teen’s hair.

“Y-Yeah, you got that right..” Ezra admits with an embarrassed smile. “B-But why didn’t you say anything?”

“Same as you, I guess--couldn’t find a way to bring it up without making it awkward,” Hiro admits with a slight shrug. 

“So then why today?” 

“Because you were obviously taking your denial to an unhealthy level and I needed to snap you out of it before you hurt yourself!”

“I--I guess that makes sense…” Ezra says slowly. “But the kiss…?”

“I figured I’d be direct. If I’d been reading all the signs wrong, you’d just push me away and we’d be done with it, but if you actually did like me then you’d kiss me back and all the awkwardness would be over at once!” Hiro lets out a quiet chuckle. “I will admit, I never pictured you falling asleep! You kind of had me worried that my kissing abilities were that bad!”

“N-No!” Ezra protests. “You were amazing--better than amazing!”

“I figured!” Hiro laughs. “I just wanted to see what reaction I could get out of you! I know you were just dealing with a lot of overstimulation and so your body just shut down to help compensate.”

“That… Actually makes it sound a lot less embarrassing than it did in my head.”

“See? Science fixes everything!”

“Sure, we’ll go with that.” Ezra chuckles before looking up at Hiro again, feeling a faint warmth burning in his cheeks again. “So, um… Where exactly do we go from here? I mean, I like you and you apparently like me, so…”

“I think the usual protocol in situations like this is for one of the people involved to ask the other one out on a date and/or to become their boyfriend or girlfriend, depending on the gender?” Hiro answers with a wry smile.

“All right then.” Ezra laughs before reaching out to take the other teen’s hands in his own. “Hiro Hamada, will you please go out with me and maybe even consider being my boyfriend?”

“That would be a yes and a hell yes!” Hiro laughs, leaning down to gently peck Ezra’s forehead. 

The other man, seeing what he was doing, move his head in time so that he can catch his apparent new boyfriend’s lips with his own, the two meeting in shower of sweet tasting sparks. Perfect. Everything was absolutely perfect now. 

  
  
  
  



End file.
